It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we made out on top of his cat.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
