I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
