Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
