So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
