Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just gargled with NyQuil
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
