I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
