guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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