Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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