I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
