four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
