Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
