I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
