Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize