Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
