I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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