Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
