i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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