there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
