she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
