You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
