I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
