It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
