who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
