Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
