Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
