Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
