Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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