My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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