God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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