i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
