you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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