I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
