Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
