.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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