My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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