i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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