Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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