So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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