I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
