I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Umm I'm too high to move.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
