i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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