If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
