How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
