at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
