There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
