So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just pee around me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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