He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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