Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
