There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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