I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
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