i think my mom watched the whole time
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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