**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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