Don't make out with my wife yet
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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