i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
