you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
