Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
