just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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