I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
