if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
