She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize