Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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