What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
