i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
