I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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