Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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