i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize