Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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