just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
