I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
