my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
