Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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