It's like God shit irony all over that family
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
