I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
