You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
