oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
