would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
