i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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