im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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