I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
