I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Little spoons don't ask big questions
honey bunches of taint.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
