everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
