He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
